Uriel the Mad Genius
Underappreciated, underrated, underestimated, and untolerated!
Race: Cecaelia
Class: Artificer/Alchemist
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Gay
Uriel is based on Eberron & the Forgotten Realms of D&D lore. He's amphibious and a mad inventor who's been banned from every intellectual establishment that can (or will) communicate with one another due to his penchant for bizarre and sometimes horrific experiments. He's known for taking brigands and highwaymen into his temporary employ as a ruse to gain test subjects but the monsters he creates are anything but humanoid. His greatest invention to date he calls miraculum; it is a living dark-purple goo that is viscous, sticky, and slimy but has many potential uses. His brilliance in mixing alchemy and machines is unmatched (or so he claims). He has one sister, Ursula, about whom very little is known by others. Most people believe he's a svirfneblin (a deep gnome), albeit a rather odd-looking one, as he keeps his tentacles hidden.
Inspirations
Ursula (The Little Mermaid)
D&D 5e Lore & Rules
Phobies (Steam game)
Dr. Frank's Build A Boyfriend (Steam game)
The following has been posted on my DA but is also here for convenience [spoiler due to length]:
Let me tell you a story about an alchemist who became so obsessed with his work that he neglected his boyfriend until the man left him and his favorite bird until it died - and that’s when the true horror began. The gnome was one of those whose brilliance comes along once in several lifetimes but he was…troublesome. Problematic. He was warned…not once but multiple times. His experiments were inhumane and conducted, probably unwillingly, on brigands and highwaymen kidnapped with his inventions.
The gnome loved his boyfriend dearly; that much was clear. The only thing he loved more than his boyfriend was that pet cassowary of his. But the boyfriend grew cold, unable to handle being abandoned for alchemy by his beloved artificer, and so abandoned the man. So he turned to his only remaining friend: the cassowary. But as with his boyfriend, he became increasingly neglectful, and the bird perished. Desperate, he replaced the bird’s heart and its natural ability to speak with a mechanical heart and voice box; each bore tiny iron rods wrapped with copper wire that was pushed through individual diodes; the other end of each wire was wrapped around another tiny iron rod, and each of these secondary rods was plugged into a dragonshard that replaced its brain. He called the entire setup a one-way arcanomagnetic circuit with a data core. He soaked the bird in formaldehyde at some point in the process to preserve it, and now the bird seems to live again - only it really doesn’t.
Driven by regret and a deep depression, he turned to anger toward his boyfriend and convinced himself that the man was a cheat and a liar. He vowed to create the perfect boyfriend: one who would not abandon him, who would not lie to him or cheat on him, and one who was completely loyal - forever. And he conveniently forgot his regret, as the mix of emotions drove him mad. He became ever more obsessed with his work, and eventually he was kicked out of Castle Lacarnum by Lord Bronte Lacarnum himself and banned from every intellectual establishment that could communicate with one another.
But this was not the end. Oh, no - far from it. Somehow, he managed to sneak back into this establishment with one of his inventions - a platform that rested on eight mechanical, spider-like legs and with a dragonshard set into the center of it. From us, in addition to a number of pieces of equipment and a wealth of materials and alchemical components, he stole a large number of very large diamonds that had yet to be cut and polished. Using magic and ingenuity, he cut and shaped and polished the diamonds into a very large beaker set into the platform, even shaped around the inserted dragonshard. This beaker is what he used to brew his miraculum. Exactly what it is, we’re not sure. It’s a dark-purple, viscous, sticky, slimy…goo.
This miraculum of his is remarkable, however. It can produce a noxious vapor that makes the eyes water, dries out the skin, clogs the sinuses, and chokes you until you suffocate. It does disperse in time, allowing you to breathe once more. When you awaken, the residue that has set in must be removed via a potent healing potion - a Potion of Superior Healing, perhaps - or a powerful healing spell, such as a highly concentrated Cure Wounds spell. If it isn’t dealt with rather swiftly - within three days, we’ve found - the residue begins to eat through you, starting with your lungs. While you can be healed thereafter, what is lost cannot be recovered, at least not naturally. It’s a particularly nasty bit of vapor, but that’s not even the worst of it.
The worst of it is the miraculum itself. It’s psychoreactive. You know how some people say that if you treat your plants very well and talk to them every day, that they’ll grow more quickly and become especially healthy? Healthier than normal? It’s sort of like that with the miraculum. Moreover, he’s used it as a catalyst in several experiments and a bonding agent in several others. It doesn’t seem to be flammable, but it’s apparently intelligent in the way a dog is - in other words, it can be trained. Trained to do what, precisely, we’re unsure of. But it can grow and expand, and it can produce that vapor I mentioned; the vapor itself can also revert into its original state, which is very heavy. It seems to absorb many different liquids, even extremely caustic and quite viscous ones, and it also seems to be able to eat literally anything. It supposedly has a great many uses but we don’t know its full potential. Like I said, we don’t know what it is exactly, but we do know that he returned to this establishment more than once in secret, using subterfuge we didn’t expect from him, to recover his research and steal more than his fair share of materials. Thankfully, he hasn’t been here for a long time.
Until last week. I can only tell you what I saw with my own eyes. After the loss of his research, which we only kept initially to prevent him from conducting any more of his foul experiments and to figure out how to undo anything he might have accomplished - I tell you, the gnome was mad as a hatter - I can tell you nothing more of what he might have invented or how any of it was made. But last week, I looked out my study’s window to see…something…approaching the castle. Now, the moat exists as a disgusting mess of trash, mud, and shit for a reason. Its mudfish are a modified breed created here by a couple of our beast-masters; they are long-fanged mudfish with voracious appetites and powerful jaws that can clamp down indefinitely upon something, and they thrive in filth but can of course only breathe underwater.
It's a measure of protection, and the drawbridge is kept raised unless someone needs to enter or leave, and it’s heavily guarded when that happens. But what I saw approaching the castle can best be described as a mix of wood and iron and leather, and it was huge. It was some kind of makeshift doll or puppet, possibly once a corpse, and it had a rather large diode sticking out of its back that periodically sparked and constantly emitted a loud hum. It dropped into the moat and waded across, getting partially eaten in the process; it kicked holes in the foundation for footholds and climbed up to the drawbridge. At the same time, the mechanical beaker platform had some kind of container atop it; vaporous pressure was put behind it and the container launched as if from a catapult.
The catapulted container shattered against the wall of the castle and released thousands of locusts, which covered the moat and the walls and got into the castle through windows…quite the bit of chaos. In addition to this, the mad gnome himself was hurling what we believe he called termite grenades at the raised drawbridge. They shattered and released many termites, which promptly ate through the drawbridge! Once inside, the larger monstrosity both literally and figuratively tore through our guards, breaking them like twigs and ripping out their limbs.
It was fire that eventually did it in. It scorched the leather, heated up the metal, burned the cloth and wood…and at some point, it must have reached something flammable within or upon the creature, because it erupted in gouts of flame that rushed out in all directions. The thing literally exploded, taking out a tremendous chunk of the corridor. When we finally cleared away the rubble, that creature must have had some of the miraculum inside it, because it had almost completely broken down into vapor that was released with exposure. Many were wounded, several were killed…the creature had been destroyed but at great cost.
If the gnome was trying to make a statement, it was indeed quite well-made. If he was trying to accomplish something else…well, we don’t know what that is. Whatever he was trying to accomplish, all it resulted in for us - that we’re thus far aware of - was death and mayhem.
He left after that, and good riddance. We haven’t seen him since, and we don’t wish to. But he needs to be…dealt with. We cannot have him attacking us like this again. The next time, it might be even more devastating! If he can create something like that, what’s to stop him from sending an army against us, however small it might be, given enough time and resources? And what is it he’s trying to accomplish? Revenge? A hostile take-over of the castle and our local and producible resources? We cannot let this stand, but we are intellectuals: wizards, artificers, alchemists, mechanists, beast-masters, swarm-keepers, scholars, sages…we are not warriors. We have many ways to fight, but we are not battle-hardened and hopefully never will be. That is not our purpose.
Nor should it be. The king believes us useful and pays for many of the things that we can provide for him and his family, and we indirectly guard and supply this region in many ways. But we are not soldiers, not warriors…and so we must rely upon adventurers like yourself to deal with threats of this nature. The king has approved a large bounty to stop this madman; several mercenaries and assassins have already answered the call. None have yet succeeded in finding him, let alone bringing back his head, but we are hopeful that this villain will eventually cross the Styx.
Virgil Winston, Wizard & Scrollery Coordinator
Regarding the Mad Genius Uriel Octavixius
The gnome loved his boyfriend dearly; that much was clear. The only thing he loved more than his boyfriend was that pet cassowary of his. But the boyfriend grew cold, unable to handle being abandoned for alchemy by his beloved artificer, and so abandoned the man. So he turned to his only remaining friend: the cassowary. But as with his boyfriend, he became increasingly neglectful, and the bird perished. Desperate, he replaced the bird’s heart and its natural ability to speak with a mechanical heart and voice box; each bore tiny iron rods wrapped with copper wire that was pushed through individual diodes; the other end of each wire was wrapped around another tiny iron rod, and each of these secondary rods was plugged into a dragonshard that replaced its brain. He called the entire setup a one-way arcanomagnetic circuit with a data core. He soaked the bird in formaldehyde at some point in the process to preserve it, and now the bird seems to live again - only it really doesn’t.
Driven by regret and a deep depression, he turned to anger toward his boyfriend and convinced himself that the man was a cheat and a liar. He vowed to create the perfect boyfriend: one who would not abandon him, who would not lie to him or cheat on him, and one who was completely loyal - forever. And he conveniently forgot his regret, as the mix of emotions drove him mad. He became ever more obsessed with his work, and eventually he was kicked out of Castle Lacarnum by Lord Bronte Lacarnum himself and banned from every intellectual establishment that could communicate with one another.
But this was not the end. Oh, no - far from it. Somehow, he managed to sneak back into this establishment with one of his inventions - a platform that rested on eight mechanical, spider-like legs and with a dragonshard set into the center of it. From us, in addition to a number of pieces of equipment and a wealth of materials and alchemical components, he stole a large number of very large diamonds that had yet to be cut and polished. Using magic and ingenuity, he cut and shaped and polished the diamonds into a very large beaker set into the platform, even shaped around the inserted dragonshard. This beaker is what he used to brew his miraculum. Exactly what it is, we’re not sure. It’s a dark-purple, viscous, sticky, slimy…goo.
This miraculum of his is remarkable, however. It can produce a noxious vapor that makes the eyes water, dries out the skin, clogs the sinuses, and chokes you until you suffocate. It does disperse in time, allowing you to breathe once more. When you awaken, the residue that has set in must be removed via a potent healing potion - a Potion of Superior Healing, perhaps - or a powerful healing spell, such as a highly concentrated Cure Wounds spell. If it isn’t dealt with rather swiftly - within three days, we’ve found - the residue begins to eat through you, starting with your lungs. While you can be healed thereafter, what is lost cannot be recovered, at least not naturally. It’s a particularly nasty bit of vapor, but that’s not even the worst of it.
The worst of it is the miraculum itself. It’s psychoreactive. You know how some people say that if you treat your plants very well and talk to them every day, that they’ll grow more quickly and become especially healthy? Healthier than normal? It’s sort of like that with the miraculum. Moreover, he’s used it as a catalyst in several experiments and a bonding agent in several others. It doesn’t seem to be flammable, but it’s apparently intelligent in the way a dog is - in other words, it can be trained. Trained to do what, precisely, we’re unsure of. But it can grow and expand, and it can produce that vapor I mentioned; the vapor itself can also revert into its original state, which is very heavy. It seems to absorb many different liquids, even extremely caustic and quite viscous ones, and it also seems to be able to eat literally anything. It supposedly has a great many uses but we don’t know its full potential. Like I said, we don’t know what it is exactly, but we do know that he returned to this establishment more than once in secret, using subterfuge we didn’t expect from him, to recover his research and steal more than his fair share of materials. Thankfully, he hasn’t been here for a long time.
Until last week. I can only tell you what I saw with my own eyes. After the loss of his research, which we only kept initially to prevent him from conducting any more of his foul experiments and to figure out how to undo anything he might have accomplished - I tell you, the gnome was mad as a hatter - I can tell you nothing more of what he might have invented or how any of it was made. But last week, I looked out my study’s window to see…something…approaching the castle. Now, the moat exists as a disgusting mess of trash, mud, and shit for a reason. Its mudfish are a modified breed created here by a couple of our beast-masters; they are long-fanged mudfish with voracious appetites and powerful jaws that can clamp down indefinitely upon something, and they thrive in filth but can of course only breathe underwater.
It's a measure of protection, and the drawbridge is kept raised unless someone needs to enter or leave, and it’s heavily guarded when that happens. But what I saw approaching the castle can best be described as a mix of wood and iron and leather, and it was huge. It was some kind of makeshift doll or puppet, possibly once a corpse, and it had a rather large diode sticking out of its back that periodically sparked and constantly emitted a loud hum. It dropped into the moat and waded across, getting partially eaten in the process; it kicked holes in the foundation for footholds and climbed up to the drawbridge. At the same time, the mechanical beaker platform had some kind of container atop it; vaporous pressure was put behind it and the container launched as if from a catapult.
The catapulted container shattered against the wall of the castle and released thousands of locusts, which covered the moat and the walls and got into the castle through windows…quite the bit of chaos. In addition to this, the mad gnome himself was hurling what we believe he called termite grenades at the raised drawbridge. They shattered and released many termites, which promptly ate through the drawbridge! Once inside, the larger monstrosity both literally and figuratively tore through our guards, breaking them like twigs and ripping out their limbs.
It was fire that eventually did it in. It scorched the leather, heated up the metal, burned the cloth and wood…and at some point, it must have reached something flammable within or upon the creature, because it erupted in gouts of flame that rushed out in all directions. The thing literally exploded, taking out a tremendous chunk of the corridor. When we finally cleared away the rubble, that creature must have had some of the miraculum inside it, because it had almost completely broken down into vapor that was released with exposure. Many were wounded, several were killed…the creature had been destroyed but at great cost.
If the gnome was trying to make a statement, it was indeed quite well-made. If he was trying to accomplish something else…well, we don’t know what that is. Whatever he was trying to accomplish, all it resulted in for us - that we’re thus far aware of - was death and mayhem.
He left after that, and good riddance. We haven’t seen him since, and we don’t wish to. But he needs to be…dealt with. We cannot have him attacking us like this again. The next time, it might be even more devastating! If he can create something like that, what’s to stop him from sending an army against us, however small it might be, given enough time and resources? And what is it he’s trying to accomplish? Revenge? A hostile take-over of the castle and our local and producible resources? We cannot let this stand, but we are intellectuals: wizards, artificers, alchemists, mechanists, beast-masters, swarm-keepers, scholars, sages…we are not warriors. We have many ways to fight, but we are not battle-hardened and hopefully never will be. That is not our purpose.
Nor should it be. The king believes us useful and pays for many of the things that we can provide for him and his family, and we indirectly guard and supply this region in many ways. But we are not soldiers, not warriors…and so we must rely upon adventurers like yourself to deal with threats of this nature. The king has approved a large bounty to stop this madman; several mercenaries and assassins have already answered the call. None have yet succeeded in finding him, let alone bringing back his head, but we are hopeful that this villain will eventually cross the Styx.
Virgil Winston, Wizard & Scrollery Coordinator
Regarding the Mad Genius Uriel Octavixius
Monstrous Menagerie
Bird
A technically dead cassowary preserved by formaldehyde and reanimated via internal arcanomagnetic setup. Those claws are sharp! That beak hurts, too! And of course it can fly. It can also talk. Well...it can mimic. "Talk" is a bit of a misnomer. But it can definitely hold a conversation by mimicry.
Bottle
A huge beaker set into a platform that moves via mechanical spider legs; the beaker is partly filled with miraculum, while a dragonshard set into the platform acts as the power core for the body. This acts as a permanent source of miraculum but can also act as a veritable cannon, producing gas that then resolidifies in order for the remaining gas to pressure-launch it as a projectile; the gas can also presssure-launch a projectile resting atop the mouth of the beaker. Crab-like mechanical arms allow Bottle to hold or manipulate objects on command.
Boyfriend Project
Ripped apart, bebuilt, scrapped again, reconstructed, broken down, reassembled...this constantly reconfigured doll-puppet-zombie-thing seems to be a never-ending personal project. Uriel will eventually build the perfect boyfriend! He'll absolutely do it! And he'll be PERFECT! And STUNNING! And FABULOUS! Probably.
Eyeball
Exactly what this massive eye was taken from - or perhaps how it was grown, if it was alchemically produced - is something known only to Uriel. It's roughly the size of a large human head, black as oil, and bears an iris that seems to randomly change color. The pupil expands and contracts as a normal eye would. What is NOT normal is the steel-like hardened miraculum frame that binds it and the pair of mechanical, bird-like legs atop which that frame sits.
Fish
Whatever breed of fish this once was or was bred or cross-bred from, it no longer resembles. The "head" looks a bit like a helmet with a faceted yet surprisingly clear window where the visor would be; within lies the massive head of a brown-and-orange fish that constantly looks either terrified or astonished, and the helmet is filled with freshwater kept ice-cold by the dimly glowing runes adorning the helmet. The body connected to the helmet looks like something out of a nightmare: a giant brown millipede with an orange underside, its many legs consisting of human-like arms with three fingers and a thumb each despite their leathery appearance and a color scheme matching the rest of the body; it has no nails, however, as more humanoid hands might. Its back is covered by barding seemingly made from dark-pink coral that appears to be fused to it, and watertight packs are strapped to it for the transport of a variety of materials, treasures, and other possessions.
Garfield
This blue cat is an adorable but cruel fluffball whose fur is electrically charged. There are black stripes across its back and black rings around its tail, and its fur always seems extremely frizzy. Probably best not to touch it. Or piss it off.