Mama Undead's Thoughts and Feelings ~ ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ♡

[UndeadEyes]

Hello, My Dears.

This is my journal, where all my thoughts and feelings will be written out to get them off my chest and out of my head.
This means, topics of depression, thoughts on things I experience through RP, possible angry posts, and the like.

Please, do not post on my journal.
If there's a post you'd like to talk about, be it just to discuss, to see if I'm doing well, etc., private message me.

Thank you for visiting.

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
Smut and Literacy
​

Somewhere along the way, I've noticed that people generally seem to believe that people who do/write smut must be illiterate or at a low-level of literacy.
What's more interesting is it's not the literate or well-versed people who believe this--it's the illiterate.

I say this because, on those rare occasions, where I am craving a smut (with plot) story, the majority of people who message me are people who are nowhere near what I require. I am considered an advance-literate or high-literate individual. I try to focus on flow, spelling, grammar, punctuation, lack of fragmented sentences, etc. Now, I make mistakes (plenty--I'm human too), so I never expect perfection from my partners.

No matter how much I write about the requirements of my partners, it seems they just assume my words mean nothing or completely skip it.
I have had to turn multiple people down because their posting history shows they are nowhere near where I would need them to be to enjoy the roleplay.

It is not in hate or judgement, but with the knowledge that I require a specific level of literacy and fluidity in my partner's writing to feel a desire to reply. I would not play a video game full of bugs and errors because they would take me out of the game and back into reality, and the same applies to Roleplay. The more errors I can spot, especially when they happen every sentence or two, removes me from the world we're creating and returns me to the world I'm trying to escape mentally for a short time.

I believe people see smut as just a way to get their rocks off, which, to be fair, it often is. However, there are people who desire a deep story with a heavy sexual tone to it. It's meant to last longer than a one-and-done scenario. We are desiring a true combination of our creativity and sexual prowess to achieve something great.

Smut can be more than just sex. It can be written by those who are considered advance in their literacy. It is not just for those who write one-liners and want to end after a single orgasm.

For some, smut is an art and it takes a talent to write it properly.

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
Trying Our Hardest for Writing Home ​

I try really hard to do my best for Writing Home.
We don't make decisions without discussion and, often, with the input of our users as well.

Yet, it seems some of our changes are always going to insult someone.
For instance, I am very aware we will lose a large base of people simply on the fact we don't allow Incest pairings.

When we instigated our Taboo Pairing Defining rules, it was done to keep people from working around the incest rule.
It was not to attack anyone who may not have defined their pairings, but simply a decision made by a group of users as means to keep our community following its own rules.

So, it both made me laugh and face palm when a newer user immediately deleted their account upon realizing they had to make this change (as they were one of the people that made us come to this decision to add the rule).

It was hard to tell if it was because of them feeling 'called out' or, as we feared, was trying to use a vague term to get around the no incest rule.

In the end, we aren't making rules to hurt people but to better protect our users and reduce the work required for our admins and moderators as we grow.
The more careful we are with our rules and requirements, the harder it is for people to sneak around and try to undermine them.

We're coming in on a year old ~ Wow ~ but we still have a lot of growing to do. :)
Things will change. We'll learn from our mistakes and shortcomings.
We'll add more and create amazing things.

However, we want to ensure our site is a comfortable and caring place.

We may need to have a decent list of rules, but we try our hardest to be kind when people break the rules as most people don't break rules on purpose.
However, skirting around the biggest rules (banned subject matters) is always going to be dangerous.
We understand new people may copy-past a thread from another site and forget to edit out an incest pairing, so we let them know.
It's using loose terminology (taboo pairings) and trying to find a way to get around the rules that cannot be seen as an accident.

In the end, we'll always be kind and caring to our users, believing innocent before guilty, choosing reminders before warnings and warnings before bans.

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
Communication during Conflict/Disagreement
​

There is, in my personal opinion, a heavy lacking in proper communication during roleplay.
There is plenty of communication prior, but what people fail to do is communicate DURING.

When something goes wrong or someone feels that the roleplay isn't going as planned, there seems to be a constant theme in how this is handled among the majority.

Example:
"Hey, I noticed we kind of rushed through this important part of the roleplay..."
"Well, fine, let's just stop! Clearly, we're not communicating because you weren't clear enough about your wants!"

There's a clear disconnect and defensiveness that comes in the way of response to one party pointing out a problem.
The sad thing is, there shouldn't be.
It's alright to get defensive if you're attacked by someone, but it's unfair to lash out when someone is wanting to discuss an issue.

Because the above example should be solved easily.

Example:
"Hey, I noticed we kind of rushed through this important part of the roleplay..."
"Oh, sorry, do you want to go back and re-do it or do you want to just make sure the next one has more details?"
"Either would be great, thanks! I should have been more clear about how important this part of the story was to me."
"Hey, it happens, don't worry about it."

Adults, which we should all be on most of these types of sites, need to know how to communicate and not immediately take offense to problems.
Sometimes, we have a bad day and post badly.
Sometimes, we're tired and we post incorrectly.
Sometimes, we rush due to excitement or feeling we need to post fast due to an IRL time restraint.
Sometimes, we're making a repeated error.

A lot happens and sometimes it NEEDS to be addressed.

Pointing out an issue isn't rude.
Pointing out a problem isn't rude.
Pointing out an error that keeps happening isn't rude.

As long as it's brought up without anger or riddled with accusations and insults, it's good to bring it up.
If there is a problem, partners should talk about it before it blows up or becomes too big.
Listen to them.
Hear them.
Learn from it.

Immediately jumping to shifting blame or quitting instead of working it out shows immaturity and an inability to accept fault.
This is not how we grow as roleplayers.

I had a roleplay going once (on another site) and the partner and I both felt we were getting annoyed with each other due to how it was going. When we finally had to address the issue, we both admitted our faults, our failure to bring up our issues earlier, etc. We admitted we FAILED to communicate.
It ruined the roleplay, but we both accepted fault and were able to move on respectfully.

Refusing to listen or communicate is not how we grow.
It's not how we learn.

It's okay to make mistakes and we need to learn that.
We need to be able to face our mistakes and go; "You're right, this is my mistake. I'm sorry. Let me fix it."
It's alright to also go, "Yes, this is my mistake and I'll fix it, but I feel that I need you to communicate more about your expectations before we continue so I don't repeat that mistake unknowingly."

Adults can communicate.
If you're not communicating, you're not in a proper partnership, which is what makes a roleplay work.

If you read this, I ask that, next time you have an issue rising up in a roleplay, attempt to discuss it.
Stay calm.
Act like an adult.

Listen and Learn.

​

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
One-Sided Rivalries
​

Unfortunately, no matter how we may internally feel about ourselves, there is always going to be someone who actively sees you as a threat, a rival, or as someone who they have to overshadow. This is because, no matter how low you feel about yourself, someone likely feels worse about themselves and need to lash out to feel validated.

As of late, we have had to remove a member from our site and our discord due to a one-sided rivalry. Despite not actively being part of it, I was able to spot the tension growing. Luckily, I was not alone in seeing this and went on to confirm it with other people in communication with them. I have been nothing but friendly, as is my nature, and my job to set a good foundation of our desires to be seen as a kind and caring place. Despite that, somehow, they grew more and more resentful of my existence on my own site and Discord.

It came to a head when they asked to have their account deleted, something we saw coming.
Once verified by @Writing Home , they went on to be a little disrespectful to their desire to leave.
To us, it felt like a grab for attention, something they had been known to try and do on the Discord as well.
Because we try not to give attention-seekers attention, Writing Home remained calm and told them "We're happy you feel that way. Have a great day."

Of course, they, thinking it's me, then go on to send back an insult toward my art, only solidifying their insecurity and jealousy when it came to me.
Once more, Writing Home replied calmly with another wish that they have a nice day.

Unfortunately, there will always be people who desire and crave attention. When they fail to get this attention, they often double down.
If they see the attention going to someone else, they begin to create a rivalry in their own head.

When I began posting my art on our discord, they decided to post theirs, even pointing out how 'some just draw better than others', to which I felt a shot fired because I already knew they had an issue with me. Whether either of us drew better was in the eye-of-the-beholder and so I simply said nothing.

The main male she talked with on the Discord is also a friend of mine, so perhaps she felt he was giving too much attention to me over her (even though she was supposedly married and I am single--not that this has any reason as to why I talk with my male friends).

I'm not here to be a rival with anyone. Though I may have low self-esteem, I am proud of my abilities to draw, I am proud of my looks/body, and I am proud to be a friendly person. I'm also very proud to be the lead-admin of this site that is full of friendly and kind people.

More so, I'm in my thirties. I cannot allow users to 'get under my skin' with petty insults that I know aren't true.
One thing I often say to people who try to insult me is; "You can't call a Nun a whore and think she'll believe it."

Acting like a child when you realize you're losing in a rivalry YOU created in YOUR head, which the other person isn't even actively part of, only reflects on you. It shows your immaturity and your lack of stability. It shows your need for therapy as your desire for attention is so strong you will try to hurt others to get it.

I have been jealous of people--for their beauty, the things they have, etc. You know what I do in turn? I accept that they simply have these things. It's not them who caused me not to have them too. I either learn to accept this and continue engaging with them, or I quietly back away if I feel it's dangerous to my mental health to stay.

There's no point in rivalry unless it's friendly, and even then, there's a fine-line you have to be cautious of.

Be kind to one another, members of Writing Home.
We're here to support and lift you up and we want you to be able to do the same for others.

Now, before I sign off, I'd like to address one thought I know some people might have.

"If it didn't bug you, then why are you talking about it?"

Talking about anything, even a faint annoyance, is a better outlet than letting it sit and fester. It's something I have learned from my many years of therapy. Although my feelings are not hurt, the concept and idea that someone had these feelings and went to the extent of trying to insult me to get attention or a rise out of me is what leaves me in a headspace.

So, I write out what is floating in that headspace to free it from my mind.

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
A Good Writer vs A Good Partner​

Note: There are many other types of writers/partners in between these below, this is just a thought on these specific ones.

Lately, I've had a thought on my mind about what makes a good writer versus a good partner.
In my 20+ years of roleplaying experience, I have had the pleasure of meeting many people who are one or the other, while also meeting the rare rainbow partner who is both.

This comes to mind because I find that many 'good writers' are not 'good partners' and vice verse.

I find that, in my personal experience, roleplaying with someone who is only a good writer is like being in a toxic relationship (or trying to be).
While the partner can write exceptionally well *chef kiss*, they lack social etiquette and tend to keep a wide girth between you and them.
On the flip-side, they will start like many toxic relationships do, where they act friendly and kind and then grow distant.
These partners often put everything above you, including other roleplays.
They won't update you before they constantly vanish for long periods before posting, often promising they will and then breaking said promise.
They'll say they are too busy to post and then you will catch them posting elsewhere in other roleplays or searching for other roleplays.

Good writers also have a tendency to forget where you limits might be. They can get a bit too caught up in their own work that they don't remember that you can't follow the direction they are going, feel uncomfortable in the scene, etc. They fail to discuss with you sudden changes they want to make because they believe you'll just follow along like a lost puppy because why would you not want to keep roleplaying with this amazing writer despite them not taking your feeling and ideas into consideration?

Good writers often will be a little too self-absorbed in their own characters and stories, feeling that they can decide that their characters are the 'gods' of all stories and yours will never be able to stand up to theirs in any form. Worse, they do this without even knowing your characters.

They also fail to communicate when something happens they don't like, letting the resentment build until it's too late to fix it.
If you bring up an issue, they often get upset and try to turn it on you so that you're the one at fault. They feel they are so 'special' because of their ability to write that they refuse to take any criticism.


On the reverse side, a good partner is one who communicates properly, is friendly, and tries to ensure you're both on the same wavelength both before the roleplay starts and as you move through the roleplay. Before any large changes to the story, they verify with you that it's okay and will work to find a middle ground if you're not comfortable with the original idea.

They are incredibly apologetic if they cannot post and try to give you a general time frame for when they can post next. When they are busy, they are busy. They aren't posting elsewhere. Often, they are even updating you as to what's going on in their lives to make sure you understand they aren't just abandoning you.

They actively try to be a healthy relationship with you, while also keeping a healthy boundary between roleplaying partner/friend and a close friend, though many can become a close friend even if the roleplay doesn't work out.

Their downfall often comes in the quality of their posts. They can often feel rushed because they feel they need to get the work out quickly. If you have to confront them on an issue, they will apologize repeatedly, but, unfortunately, often repeat it still later on. Generally, they are a very nice person, but their skill is lacking.

Often you accept their shortcomings because it's rare to find someone so friendly.


Then we have the mighty rainbow partner!

They are all the good points of the two sections above. They write like a god *Chef kiss* (in your opinion), they care about your opinion, have healthy and active open communication about the roleplay and any concerns they might have, and, often, you can do multiple roleplays with them!

Their only downfall?

Almost always, after a long and wonderful relationship, they suddenly vanish... :(
They leave you with a memory for a lifetime, but also a wonder of what became of them...

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
Having Stalkers
(No names mentioned due to privacy, but you may PM me for general info if you are curious)​

So, I've had two stalkers in my life and one obsessed guy.

One in person in my early twenties and now one from another state who has tried to harass me for 3 years.
I have also had a guy who was obsessed with me (from my LMT school), who always asked me to move in with him.
The obsessed guy didn't stalk me, but I am glad I knew the reality about his mental state as he ended up stabbing his parents to death.
Said guy is still telling people about me in the prison where he's waiting for sentencing... Yeah, don't ask me how I learned that. Oh, lord.

My first stalker ended with me in the hospital.
My current stalker is...just a nuisance at best and I'm easily able to ignore all of his attempts to harass me while continually getting evidence to use against him when and if this ends up in court. Currently, I have a pro bono lawyer working with me and he is not happy with the situation.
Our first Cease and Desist was received and he said he'd comply, only to not after a few months. He clearly cannot contain his actions anymore (and or is asking someone else to harass me in his place, which still goes against our C&D).

Fortunately, there are ways for us to figure out who is doing the harassment, even online, and a little detective work is all it takes to know it's from the same general zone as said person. My lawyer is going to try again to remind him that we will begin legal steps, be it a restraining order or actual criminal charges (as he's breaking actual laws at this point) should he continue.

Why does he harass/stalk me, you ask? Why do any of them?

They are not mentally sound.

My first stalker stalked me because he was 'in love' with me and didn't want to give up even though I never dated him, never had any relationship with him beyond being housemates, and luckily I'm well hidden from that one (or he gave up, hard to say).

The obsessive guy is obsessed with me because he 'loves me', but I really think it's because he saw some comfort in me as someone with health issues and that made us 'compatible' due to his munchausen syndrome that makes him think he has every illness known to man (his schizophrenic nature doesn't help).

The current guy?

As he told someone else he was harassing; "When she and her husband broke up, she went insane and took it out on me, and I'm just letting her know I don't appreciate it".

Yeah, no, that's not a 3-year endeavor... More so, I'm very happy I got divorced. Lol. That was a toxic marriage.

Reality, he's also probably schizophrenic and has control issues. For you see, he got mad because I 1 ) refused to keep selling him foot photos and 2, the real breaker ) I blocked him from writing comments on my Youtube because he was writing comments not appropriate to the content I was releasing. I gave him two warnings and he failed after promising to stop (sounds like the C&D...).

He lost his shit real quick when I did that. He basically responded like a jilted lover (he never was). From a psychological standpoint, he clearly feels he has no control and is trying to take control by 'harassing' me. He thinks it matters to me. Well, here's the facts: Is it a little annoying? Sure. Is it something I can easily adjust settings on my phone and computer to 100% not even notice? Yeah.

He would even contact and harass the men who posted on my youtube videos, but that's how we 100% figured out who he was because they alerted me. I don't know what he thinks he gains from this, but I don't understand the mind of people who have lost theirs...

In the end, I've been through so much worse and this is a nuisance at best--not a threat. However, having been through the other two, I am 100% happy to legally defend myself to break down the people who think they can do this to me. We always have options and I'm glad I have a lawyer to help me figure out mine. While it may not be a threat now, you never know what people will do (see the above guy who murdered his parents) and it's better to start the actions needed to protect myself before it's too late.

Remember, there are crazy people out there. Be careful.

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
Killed Muse and Starting Again
​

Oh my, it takes some time for my brain to begin whirring to life when I've had a string of roleplays that crash and burn.
I have a long history of people contacting me without reading my threads (on other sites, not this one--yet...), ditching, ghosting, vanishing, maybe dying randomly (I might be cursed...) and so on and so forth. These people truly kill my muse more than anything else. It's one thing if we start the RP and, though all rules are followed, our styles don't work together. It happens. It's life.

However, it's the onslaught of people who just live in ignorance and ignore everything I write on my threads that kill my muse and desire to roleplay. Sometimes, people don't realize just how bad it gets and wonder if I'm 'picky' but, once I show them what I'm dealing with, they understand. The problem is, I have old partners who I could start new ones with, but I worry that, in my state of annoyance and lack of motivation, that it may spiral onto them and if that goes bad, I'm going to have an even worse crash.

I love to roleplay but, like art, sometimes I just need something good and new to reboot my system.

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
Why I'm Not Yet Roleplaying​

So, I've been asked a few times why I, as the creator of this site, don't yet roleplay on it even a year later. To be very blunt, it's because I don't want to cause a loss of users.

Hear me out...

I know me. I know I have high expectations when it comes to what I expect and need from my partners. So much so, people who want to roleplay with me have told me they are scared to ask because of that. This adds to the issue I am scared of. One, we're already limited on users because we're still in the early stages of the site. We still have time to grow, accumulate users, etc. We need more users before I feel comfortable jumping in.

The reason for that is, I fear that if something goes wrong between me and the user, they might full-on leave the site. There is a different air to it when you get rejected by the creator than when you get rejected by a normal user. People are fragile, sadly, in this realm roleplaying, and rejection from a 'higher' can really hit them hard.

That doesn't mean I don't want to roleplay, as I see some people and think; "Huh, we look compatible."

Yet, here I sit, quietly watching, monitoring, fixing, changing, etc.

If you look at thread building forum, you can see I do, in fact, have a thread I'm building and preparing for when the day comes. My massive list of plots and pairings, original and fandom... One day, it will happen. Just not yet.

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
Guiding Roleplays (why is it so hard?)
​

In my 20+ years, one of the main reasons I'll quit a roleplay is because I am being forced to guide a roleplay 100%.
Now, for someone like me, I know how to guide. I know how to throw out scenes and make things happen.
However, as time goes on, it gets boring to always know what's going to happen--to have nothing surprising happen that you need to adjust to.

For many roleplayers, they either don't know how to guide, are scared to, or don't think they can.

When it comes to those who who don't know how, it takes time and learning. Little steps.

For those scared to or don't feel they can, often, this comes from different experiences. For some, they have had partners who don't like their stories being interrupted from the path they see for it, leading them to get angry when the roleplay veers. After that happens enough, people become hesitant to try with others.

Some people just worry they cannot guide because they worry their partner has an idea and they don't interrupt.

Personally, I need someone who can help guide. I won't get mad and if you veer too far from something planned, I'll let you know.
Having someone who can take control and throw surprises at me make the roleplay so much funner. Two people working together to interact in the world and not expecting only one party to control the world around them, THAT makes an amazing roleplay.

I've had people get upset with me when they feel they cannot do anything in the roleplay. I just look at them (not literally) and ask why?
"You don't let me" they say.
I ask them to explain how I am stopping them from changing the story.
99% of the time, they could have, they just didn't because they FELT they couldn't--not because they actually couldn't.

The only time I will stop someone from guiding is if I feel we're moving far away from the point of the RP and into a direction that defeats the plot (unless I like the new route better, which does happen).

Something I need to explain to some partners is that, though I understand they want to run things by me first, I really don't want everything ran by me. Yes, you can create more characters. Yes, you can have this guy jump out and attack. Yes, you can. YES! YES! YES! The only time I may want to be asked first is if it will severely altar the plot or it's to kill off an important character.
Some things are best discussed before, such as if you are unsure how descriptive you should get in a abusive scene or if you think about a new kink you want to try and aren't sure if they are into it.

Giving each other a break from guiding can help the roleplay run longer, be funner, and help avoid burnout. Nothing bores me more than knowing everything that's going to happen and only ever getting 'response' posts instead of 'action' posts.

I know everyone has their own opinion on that, but, for me, I really need someone to be my partner in creating the story--not just a follower of it.

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
Echo Chamber Roleplays and Jumper Roleplays
​

So, we all have our own styles, and I appreciate everyone for what they have, but I also know many styles just do not mix well with others.
For some people, like myself, we like detail. We like to know the response and give the response our characters have in actions in the other person's posts. We like our partners to give us more to work with than what we already gave.

For that reason, I want to discuss two styles that do not mix well with mine. I call them Echo Chambers and Jumpers.
Our last topic about guiding roleplays does fall into this ramble, so if you haven't read the one before it, feel free.

What is an Echo Chamber?

Well, it's what you think it is... You write your post and their post mostly consists of...writing your entire post back to you but from their characters perspective...while not adding anything of value to it. These people tend to follow so closely that it's almost like you're just having your own post repeated. This gets...annoying... Repetitive... It also usually leaves all the planning to me and reveals that they cannot find a way to pad their post without completely re-posting their partner's. Echo chamber posts rarely even have their character's responding to what your post was, just them following along in it.

This leads us to Jumpers. So, what is a Jumper?

A Jumper post is someone who, after you write your long detailed post, starts their post at the end of your post, not detailing their characters reactions, thoughts, or words throughout the entire length of your post. Now, in some posts, this works, such as if you just walk along a path talking. However, if you are chased by a monster, thrown off a cliff, etc., in your post and your partner doesn't even write about what their char goes through in that time frame, how they react to the monster, how they react in the fall, etc., they are a jumper. The next thing they'll post is getting up from the ground and you have no clue what their character thought or felt in the situation.

This is incredibly frustrating as it doesn't let us grow or learn from the other character. I want to know how yours felt when my character took his hand or pulled him close into the fall to protect him. I need that to feed from the emotions of the characters to build the roleplay. If all I get is a blank statement at the end that feels like we're negating the entire post before, then my desire to post will begin to dwindle.


Unfortunately, these two styles cannot mix with mine because of my need to learn and feel from the other character, to be guided by the other character at some points. If the RP feels like I'm the only one creating...anything...and you never truly give me a good description of your character in the moments described in my post...we just won't work.

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
Venting Family Frustration
​

This will have me losing my composure a little, so, forgive me...

I have a very strained family relationship.

My father was an abusive man to the point I have a service dog for my PTSD (she also does med-alert for my autoimmune disease).
I hadn't spoken to him ten+ years before his sudden death.

My sister and I don't know anything about one another and have only really spoken with 'happy birthday' texts for years. Past experiences with her were less than pleasant. Such as when she didn't even ask if I was okay after I was in my first car crash the literal day BEFORE I was having a tumor removed from my leg.

My mother and I have a relationship, but it feels empty sometimes because of her neglect of me as a child. I love her, but sometimes, I swear...

Such is life. We cannot choose are family.

So, my sister is getting married in August. Great. Happy for her (about as happy as I would be if a stranger was getting married).
I am not part of the bridal party or anything. I offered to make her wedding cake but, while interested at first, she went with someone else. Okay. Cool.

Now, last time I saw my mother, she made a comment about that I should 'dress down' for the wedding because I'm not supposed to overshadow the bride. I was like "What? Did you think I'm going to show up in my boudoir attire and makeup or something?" Really? I'm going to wear a basic summer dress with a bit of makeup.
One could hope she is just trying to say "You're attractive and might overshadow your sister if you dress up too much", but given today, I wonder sometimes.

Today, on the phone, she asks about the invite, that I have it, etc. Randomly, out of fucking nowhere, she says "You know, people won't be looking at you. They'll have their eyes on (sister) and (Sister's Fiance).

Me: "I am quite aware of that... I didn't think they would be..." My tone was, rightfully, annoyed.

Mom: "I didn't mean to make you defensive."

What did you mean then!? What the hell?! First you tell me to dress down and now you tell me no one would be looking at me? Good! I don't want to dress up! I don't want people looking at me! I barely want to go at all!

The only thing I have said is that I am concerned that family on my father's side, who I have not seen or spoken with in probably 15+ years, are going to, outside the ceremony, try to talk to me and they may bring up things they shouldn't "Asking why I stopped talking to my dad or visiting", etc. I am prepared to simply say; "While I understand you want answers to those questions, rightfully so, my sister's wedding is not the best time to discuss such a sensitive topic."

I just... I am not sure what is going on in my mother's head... I have never tried to 'overshadow' my sister. I do not even speak or see her outside of when I'm obligated or forced to. She and I are basically related strangers.

*Sighs* I am going to go to the wedding, but I'll probably be in the back and leave as soon as I am able.

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
The Bad Part of being an Administrator
​

Of course, I can preface this by saying I love being an Admin, constructing and building Writing Home, interacting with the users, and, generally, keeping the place safe and running smoothly.

However, there is only one thing I really hate and that is having to confront users who are breaking rules and/or removing those who need to be removed.

Like many, I hate confrontation. Even though I literally have the power to click a button and ban someone, I still rather not having to fight or argue with someone because they are misbehaving. One thing that comes with informing people of rules is how they respond to the rules when reminded of them. Usually, it's 99% "Oh, sorry! I forgot! Let me fix that!"

Every so often, however, you get someone who tries to dismiss the fact the rules exist.
They use dismissive terms or throw out the dreaded and very hated 'whatever'.
They try to say that 'logic dictates' it should be another way.

These sort of comments in response to an admin telling you that a rule is being broken, especially when you're not even in trouble, is how you get in trouble.

Writing Home is about respecting users and the people running the site. If users do not show respect to the site itself, its rules and the people who made the rules, the site is not for them. It is not where they will thrive because they are seeking something that isn't what we can give them. I hate having to ban people. I hate having to inform the founders that a decision has to be made on some people.

Yet, I also know it's part of being an admin and about ensuring the users of our site follow the ideals we have set.

We cannot build a friendly, respectful and kind community if we accept less than that from our users.

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
Family Drama Continued (part 2)​

Well, of course it couldn't end with just my ranting over my mother could it?

As it comes to be, I will not be going to my sister's wedding.

Originally, my goal was to take a friend and make an early escape. However, I was informed, due to photos, my sister wants whoever I bring to be someone 'close' to me who will 'be in my life a long time'.

*Looks around her and even under the bed.*

This person does not exist. I have no one akin to an SO, and if she was here, that would make it appear as if I'm coming out of the closet on my sister's wedding, so that wouldn't work anyways (I'm not and my friend is 100% straight).

So, I ask; "Okay, can I bring Iris (my service dog) and keep her attached to me then?" This will help keep my PTSD triggers down, especially around my estranged abusive father's family I have not seen in over 10 years, and that will keep my autoimmune disease from trigger. More so, if it's going to trigger, she will alert me to it so I can leave the scene before it happens.

My sister's response?

Yes, but I have to leave her in the car during the ceremony and dinner, etc.

I'm sorry, but I will not put my service dog in my car for upwards of 40+ minutes in the middle of August... She will die.
My mother wants me to use my remote start to keep the AC running, but I told her that 1 ) I have to be within a specific distance of my car and that would mean, repeatedly, the ceremony/dinner will be interrupted by my car's engine roaring to life and then the beep as it locks after each cycle (it only stays on for 10 or so minutes before shutting off). 2 ) I would be paranoid AF that, if I couldn't hear the car, that it might not be running and my service dog could be in danger... 3 ) I'd end up eating in my car with her because both my paranoia and feeling bad for her would win out.

So, basically, I was told, "Yes, you can bring a guest, but only if they are akin to a significant other that you don't have OR you can bring your service dog as long as you're willing to risk her life by leaving her in a hot car in he middle of August".

If that wasn't bad enough, they then try to ask if I'll make like 50+ cupcakes because they didn't get a big enough cake to feed everyone. Mind you, I had offered to MAKE the wedding cake as a gift originally and they turned it down. Now, I'm busy and don't have time as it was no longer on my 'things to do list.'

Also, I'm just not going, so, no, I will not make your cupcakes. :3

Now I wonder what she'd say if I were blind or had seizures. Would she just expect me to sit alone in darkness because 'service dog'.

Also, I'm not mad at her not wanting dogs. I'm mad she wants me to risk my dog's life because she doesn't recognize it's a service dog and not just a 'dog'.

Either way. I have made up my mind. I'll just stay home and not worry about it. I'll send her gift via the registry and be done with it.

 

[UndeadEyes]

~ Today's Topic ~
I'm Tired​

You ever just start feeling...tired? Tired of just...everything?

Yeah, I'm there...

Tired of work slowing down due to Covid Spikes and hurting my business.
Tired of roleplay partners just not being up to requirements (not on this site mind you, as I do not RP here yet) or, more common, I send the opener and despite them saying they can post nearly daily, suddenly they are super busy and cannot find time. I get it. Life is life. However, it gets tiring when it's multiple partners.

I'm tired of men on dating sites being stupid... Seriously, today's gem was, as an intro from a stranger, "Would it be weird if I told you what your kinks were? *Bashful hiding face Emoji*."

Actually, yes, it would be fucking weird, Sir. I have no fucking clue who you are and wtf is wrong with you?

I'm tired of being scared all the time about everything that could go wrong...

I'm tired of nightmares.

I'm just tired of being tired. X.X